Scene 12: An Eagle Carrying A Wizard?
Narrator: The Fellowship, having escaped from Moria, have journeyed on until reaching the outskirts of the beautiful and tranquil woods of Lothlorien.
Frodo: Hello there!
Orophin: Halt! Who goes there?
Frodo: I am Frodo Baggins of the Shire, member of the Fellowship of the Ring, bearer of the diabolical Ruling Ring of Sauron, and am charged with a quest by Elrond of Rivendell to save all Middle Earth!
Orophin: Pull the other one.
Frodo: And these are my trusted travelling companions.
Frodo: We have journeyed the length and breadth of the land in search of those who will aid us in our quest against the evil of Mordor. I must speak with the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim!
Orophin: Weren't you supposed to be traveling with a wizard?
Frodo: Why, yes!
Orophin: Well, where is he?
Frodo: He has fallen in a horrible and epic battle with the foul Balrog of Moria.
Orophin: How did he manage to escape from Isengard to begin with?
Frodo: What does it matter now? We have traveled since the snows of fury covered the mountains, through the mines of Moria, through--
Orophin: Where'd he catch up with you?
Frodo: In Rivendell.
Orophin: At Elrond's? In Rivendell? All the way from Isengard?!?
Frodo: What do you mean?
Orophin: Well, it was simply to far to travel in so short of time!
Frodo: The eagles may fly south with the sun or the geese or the ravens may seek warmer climes in winter, yet they are not strangers to these lands.
Orophin: Are you suggesting wizards fly like eagles, that they migrate?
Frodo: Not at all, they could be carried.
Orophin: What-- an eagle carrying a wizard?
Frodo: It could grip him by the arms!
Orophin: It's not a question of where it grips him, it's a simple question of weight ratios! A hundred pound eagle cannot carry a hundred and eighty pound wizard.
Frodo: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel that Frodo Baggins of the Shire is here?
Orophin: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, an eagle needs to beat its wings thirty-two times every minute, right?
Orophin: Am I right?
Frodo: I'm not interested!
Rumil: It could be a northern eagle.
Orophin: Oh, yeah. A northern eagle maybe, but not a regular southern eagle. That's my point.
Rumil: Oh, yeah, I agree with that--
Frodo: Will you please ask your Lord and Lady if they will aid us in our quest?!
Orophin: But then, of course, northern eagles don't normally go far from their eyries.
Rumil: Oh, yeah...
Orophin: So one wouldn't have gone all the way to Isengard anyway.
(Frodo and the other members of the Fellowship impatiently walk past the two arguing elves and proceed on)
Rumil: Wait a minute... supposing two eagles carried a wizard together?
Orophin: No, they'd have to have it on a line of some type.
Rumil: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper.
Orophin: What-- held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
Rumil: Well, why not?