Narrator: In the lands west of the Brandywine in the gently rolling green hills and woods of what was once the proud Kingdom of Arnor is The Shire. A lone hobbit lass, buxom and in the flush of youth, pauses in her early morning trek on the ridge of a flower strewn hill to greet the rising sun with song.

Estella: (singing) Baggins. The one they called Bilbo.

He was born... born one summer morn--
He was born to be-- the one of destiny.
A hobbit called Bilbo--
A hobbit called Bilbo.

He had short arms... and short legs...
And quick hands... and furry feet,
This hobbit... whose name was Bilbo--
And its true... he grew up here, its true--
He grew up to be--
Yes, its quite true you see--

A Baggins called Bilbo--
A Baggins called Bilbo,

And he had brown curly hair.
Yes, saying he was a bit pudgy is fair.
And smoke rings he would blow,
In the setting sun's glow.
The original we all know,
He was certainly no--

No "klepto Kinder" named Bilbo,
Nor a "nerdy Gnome" named Bilbo.

Those rip-offs are cheap on ebay,
Compared to the one that started it all.
When on that fateful day,
At his door a wizard did call--

On a hobbit called Bilbo--
This hobbit called Baggins--
The hobbit they called Bilbo--
This hobbit called Bilbo Baggins!

[CRASH]

[THUD]

Estella: Aiee!

Hstaphath: Yes, its now time for the enchanting "prelude" to Monty Python: Lord of the Rings that you've all been waiting for!

XenoCorp (XC) Pictures
in association with Monty Python
presents

J.R.R. Tolkien's: Dën Høbitsån

or

J.R.R. Tølkiën's: Där un Och Igën

or (if you prefer)

J.R.R. Tølkiën's: Dën Livet uv Bilbodån

or (as the old Hobbit himself was rather fond of)

J.R.R. Tølkiën's: En Høbitsånil Hølidäk

or (to be truly accurate, of course)

J.R.R. Tølkiën's: Nëu Linå Cinëmatik är Greidi Bästardskå

or (perhaps--

[SMACK]

[THUD]

[SLAM]

Hstaphath: Right! That will be quite enough of that. Now... let's get on with it, eh?

Written by:
James Haines
(aka: Hstaphath - The Official Bard of XenoCorp)
Røten nik Akten Di

Back Monty Python: The Hobbit Next

Please contact Hstaphath with any comments, suggestions, questions or bribe money you may have

Back to the XC Bard's Corner